I'm Quitting My Job and Moving to Namibia!

Yup. You read that right.

The past year and a half year has been one of great change, as those who are close to me know. I've spent that year a half trying to put my life back together and land back on my feet. One thing I can tell you about making change is that you don't really see the outcome of your work while you're in it. You just wake up one day and know that it hurts a little less and you laugh a little more. I know that I've made tremendous growth over the past year , even though its hard to tell some days.

In my transition, I left Personal Training and the health industry because I quickly needed financial stability. It was a decision I made quickly and out of necessity. It was what I needed at the time. I went back to the company I previously worked for, to a job I was at one point unhappy with. I told myself that I would do it while I was healing the crucial parts of my Self. I would do it until I was ready to get back into health and wellness. In my healing process it became clear to me that I am more of a coach than I am a trainer so I then began studying to be certified Health Coach through the America Council of Exercise.

I started to feel about my job the exact way I felt about it when I worked there in the past (just like my old boss said I would). I wasn't personally fulfilled at all. Career fulfillment is very important to me. I don't believe that we just supposed to find a place where we go to for 9 hours a day, sit under florescent lighting and crunch number or write reports for the sake of a paycheck (unless that's what brings you joy). I know everyones job isn't like that and maybe i'm being extreme but you get what I mean. I believe that career is supposed to bring meaning and fulfillment to our life. I know what I want to do and I'm not doing it!

I also started to become more honest with myself about how much I missed my family. I have lived in the US for 9 years now. That is 9 years of living far away from my family. That is 9 years of not being able to pick up the phone and say "Hey Mom, wanna grab lunch?" or "Hey Dad, wanna go for a drive and talk?". This is especially hard because of how close my family is. I began to think about my sisters growing up and how much of their lives I've missed out on.

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After much meditation and prayer, I've decided to move back home! I'm quitting my job and pursing my dreams!

Why?

1. Because I can! I'm presented with the opportunity to do so and I think it would be foolish of me not to take it. I have the opportunity to move back home and be close to my family while pursing my career goals? How can I say no to that? I am blessed with a family who loves me and wants to support me in doing what I want to do. That is a blessing and I thank the Universal Higher power for that!

2. I want to be in control of my life. I need to step back for a second. For most of my life I've made decisions based on what I thought I was supposed to do. I want to find the voice of my internal guidance system. That goes for career, relationships and what is best for my spirit.

3. I truly believe that fulfillment comes from doing work you love. I used to have the debate with a friend that it is possible to dislike your job but find fulfillment in other aspects of your life. I've never been that person. I need it all to be balanced. I believe that your work takes up such a large part of your day and life that it should be enjoyable or at least fulfilling.

4. I don't want to die with the 'What If's. I have been talking about being a health coach for a really really long time.  I said I'm not sure where I want to settle down but that at some point I want to live near my family for an extended period of time. I've said a corporate/office, 9-5 job is not for me. When I was working as a Pilates Instructor, despite my personal life falling apart around me, I was the most fulfilled in my career that I had ever been. I want that feeling back!

One more BIG reason: Going home is an essential part of my healing. I've been running from home. I have wounds to heal. A terrible thing happened to me right before I left home and I've been running ever since. I didn't tell anyone. That is when my depression began. I began exercising compulsively and a host of other destructive behaviors. I just wanted to leave. It didn't matter where. I left and I haven't been back for longer than a month at a time since. Alot of  people dont know that I suffer from depression and PTSD as a result of my trauma. I go to therapy and that has helped my journey tremedously. My therapist will tell you herself that I am no where near who I was when I first walked into her office. I'm not done yet. You're never really done but I do believe that going home is the next step in my healing. I have to face my fears. I cant spend the rest of my life running. I also want to work to bring awareness to these things that I struggle and work to deconstruct the stigma around depression and Therapy, especially in the black community.

So what's the plan?

I'll work on building my business as a healthy lifestyle coach but I will also leave room for Spirit to guide me along my career journey.

I will travel the beautiful country of Namibia as much as I can while I continue to nurture my spiritual and self discovery journey. I'll work on my relationships and not just with family. I have so many people all over the world that I truly love and care about. People who have played an essential part in my journey. As I continue to grow, I will be better able to nurture those relationships. I know I may not be a train ride or a few states away but the world is not as "big" as it used to be anymore. There are phones, email, skype and I'm always a flight away.

You wont even know I'm gone because I'll be blogging and vlogging my journey so I'll be all in yo face! You can visit me here, on Facebook or at the YouTube channel I'm working on putting together (please be patient with me on that while I get a new camera...my birthdays coming up hint hint).

Last but not least: I'm freakin terrified! I don't know how this is all going to work out. I haven't lived at home or anywhere near my family since I was 18. Will I will look like a failure because i'm coming back without acquiring the "American dream"? I'm a 27 year old divorcee, oh the gossip! There will be no where to run. I cant just decide i'm having a bad day and leave. I cant just decide I wont pick up the phone for two weeks until I  feel like i'm acceptable again. I can no longer hide my struggles from those that love and care about me. I could try this entrepreneur, traveler, I-live-by-my-own-rules thing and fall flat on my face. I could start a blog and no one reads it. I could write a book and no one buys it. I could host a workshop and no one shows up. My biggest fear is that I show up for once in my life and I wont be enough. What if I show up and i'm not enough? Not enough to my family. Not enough to my friends. Not enough to my clients.

I have all these fears and I'm still going to do this. I'm going to do it because as terrified as I am to fail, I'm even more afraid of not trying. I believe that my purpose here on earth is to help and inspire someone with the testimony of my life.

To happy endings and new beginnings.

I leave you with The Man In The Arena Speech by Theodore Roosevelt:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Now, I challenge you to do something bold today! What have you always wanted to do? I'm not saying quit your job and move to Africa but start today. Do you have an idea to start a business? Get a notebook and write those ideas down. Do you want to run a marathon? Look up a training programs. Do you want to go on a vacation? Look up some destinations and put a dollar aside toward that trip. I want to hear all about it! Comment below, email or message me!

This is where I will be living. Windhoek at night.

Go forth! Be bold(as I shake in my boots)!

Love always,

Nelao